Why’s daddy not here on holiday?

The witch in me would love to answer honestly, but I know that would be an evil and irresponsible response!

Whilst I’m playing beach ball, sharks in the pool and grandmas footsteps with my brilliant brood, he’s living up to his Peter Pan persona in Dubai with his latest squeeze.

Not what the kids want or need to know.

But when do I tell them the truth and how much? They are simply too young to understand and ‘divorce’ doesn’t even register in their world or vocabulary.

We separated three years ago when my youngest was just 8 months old and the eldest was 4 years. They have grown up with parted parents as their normality. They see him during the week at bedtime and his house every other weekend. But the time has come when my eldest is asking why I can’t go with them and dad to Italy and why he’s not here in Spain.

The main impetus to start sowing the divorce seed is that the latest squeeze is being introduced to the kids after the hols. Major change in dynamics – as the kids haven’t acknowledged that mum and dad don’t love each other and aren’t living together. Strange but true.

I have no venom, just want them to understand and be happy. But also in the back of my head I want them to know at some stage that what he did was very wrong – I would be devastated if my boys followed in their father’s philandering footsteps. I know it’s his job to tell them the truth-but will he really? My assumption is he’ll don his rose-tinted Ray bans 😉

A time to reflect

I suppose summer hols should be used as a chance to stop, standstill and reflect into the windows of our world.

I’m a manic, single, career mum who rides on the adrenalin of keeping all the balls in the air. Stopping and just chilling feels alien and hence rather a lot of blogs all of a sudden!

My thoughts of today are hovering over all that is our family’s divided life. A product of a single parent I have a lot of experience to draw upon, but when I got married it was a ‘forever’ vow for me. I have always had a determination not to bring my kids up with split parents. I now do feel naive and a ‘numpty’ really! As Britain has highest divorce rates in EU at nearly 50%. But despite a lot of awkward and desperate days the husband’s philandering got too much.

With wonderful hindsight, I can guarantee I’m happier, but there will always be the regular hurt and disappointment of not being able to give my kids the cohesive 2.4 I always longed for as a kid.

With external objectivity everyone who meets us comments on how happy we all are, so must be doing something right-may be I over compensate though. I regularly burn myself out juggling being MD, mum, mate and MILF haha! ensuring I do school pick up, cook all meals as well as after school club chaos in between directing all business activity, going out with the girls and running Marathons. Knackered just writing it down!

Dating seems to be last on my priority list. The ex seems to have easily shifted his gear up a knotch (not surprising) and after this holiday I will have the heart wrenching debacle that is him introducing the kids to his new partner.

Lots of reflection and more to follow…

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Blue Monday

Tomorrow is officially the most miserable day of the year in Britian – a combination of weather, Christmas blues and debt 😦

Sadness solution = release your inner smile and get active.

I can 100% guarantee that exercise makes me stronger mentally, more positive and the finest feel-good factor I have ever experienced….shame it took me 34 years to work this out!

Running keeps me going. Since the recent marriage breakdown I have done two triathlons, two half marathons and aiming for NY marathon this year.

One teensy weensy consolation that has come out of the divorce is I have Sundays and Tuesday evenings all to myself…this was heart-breaking and red-raw eye material at first, but has soon become my life-saving pep time. Many friends aren’t so lucky with free time and we run straight after work (key here is to have running kit in the office so you don’t go home and get embroiled in excuses not to run!) for a quick stretch round the block – it still has the same smile factor 🙂

http://www.ivillage.co.uk/exercise-and-depression-how-working-out-can-help-fight-depression/77804

Today is gorgeous blue skies, stunning, crisp and frost-kissed. Goodbye Blue Monday!